reflections

Packing is one of the most depressing things ever! I have been putting it off for weeks and finally kickstarted the process tonight. Yes, it's a holiday weekend and I should be out having fun, but I really don't like the 4th of July. I always feel alone on this holiday and am so tired of joining other people's family celebrations when I feel like an outsider. Packing made the perfect excuse. So I went to CVS and got some packing tape, cranked up the tunes, and went to work.

Not only do my walls look bare, but as I load up the boxes I can't help but stop and go through the memories. I went through my coaching scrapbook and was overwhelmed with the many lives that have touched mine through this passion of mine. I couldn't help but stop at the pages depicting our trip to Nationals in Salt Lake City 4 years ago. There were pictures of us at the Park City 4th of July parade that made me remember the old ladies who played the kazoos. What fun memories, including crowding one of the condos to watch the Wimbledon finals. That trip will never be duplicated and it was our last time with Emily. I got to spend a short visit with Em's mom in Louisville last week. I love that she lets me talk about Em and she actually appreciates that instead of people tip-toeing around the subject. Everytime I'm at a big tournament I can't help but think of Em. That was her element and she loved that environment more than anyone. It's still hard to balance the joy I have that she gets to be in Heaven and the anger I have that someone who loved volleyball so much isn't with us to enjoy it on Earth anymore. Makes me mad with young girls take the opportunity for granted.

I am very excited for the change coming in my life, but it is still kind of scary and emotional. We have a lot of memory making ahead of us, that's for sure. I'm glad that God has helped me adapt to change much better, but it is still hard. There are a lot of big changes coming in my life and today really made me think about those changes. When the song Walk Down This Mountain by Bebo Norman came on, I just stopped and broke down because the words were hitting me so powerfully. Completing something is such a great experience, but it means that you're beginning a new journey around the corner and beginning is always a scary process.

It's a better place
Standing high upon this mountain
I've seen your face
Full of the light that holiest height can show
Blessed hand is why you you've given
But you've been given all you'll ever need To know

Chorus: So walk down this mountain
With your heart held high
Follow in the footsteps of your maker
With this love that's gone before you
And these people at your side
If you offer up your broken cup
You will taste the meaning of this life
Hey hey

Well it's a common ground
And I see you're all still standing
But just look around and you'll find
The very face of God
He's walking down into the distance
He's walking down to where the masses are

Chorus
This life

We're standing in a place of peace
And this is how the world should be
How the world should be (Walk down this mountain with your heart held high)
How the world should be (Walk down this mountain with you heart held high)
How the world should be (Walk down this mountain with your heart held high)
How the world should be