part 1

I have a little downtime during jobs and want to track my thoughts going into this weekend . . . this weekend being part 1 of the "Megathon." If you're unclear this is my attempt to complete two 1/2 marathons in 2 weeks. I never want to run a marathon or another race longer than a 10K after this, but these are two races on my bucket list so I'm doing them at the same time. I feel so much better this time around compared to training for the RiverBank last year. I was in severe pain for much of my training last year and then the race was cold & rainy & not a lot of fun, but I did it. This time around I have pushed myself and am actually running a lot faster. I also feel a lot better because of the strength training I've been doing for my legs. I'm hoping I am not let down with a bad race and am trying to hold on to my excitement and enjoy the race.

It's in Nashville, which is going to be so fun. There are bands all along the race route, which should be entertaining, but hopefully not distracting. I do want to take my camera and look out for famous people, though!

The thing I'm most nervous about is the actual trip. I am the planner in my group of friends, but I feel like I annoy people with that characteristic and that I don't always think the way they do so I am trying to back off a little bit. I know it probably seems weird, but that's hard for me. In general I just feel a little disconnected from things and misunderstood a lot. I'm running around doing 7 billion things and would love for people to be interested in at least 1 billion of those things, but it doesn't happen very often so I just share it with my small bloggy world (Al). I'm a little nervous about club practice tonight . . . 15 year olds shouldn't make me nervous, but they do. I take my job seriously and if all they think about me is negative then I don't feel like I am being a good role model for them. On the flip side it's been a great week with the DU girls. They are actually excited about summer training (we'll see how they feel in July) and are loving what we're doing with the program. I will try to hold on to those positives.

It's also been a hard week because our bible study lessons are on sin . . . yuck! Sin is so terrible and makes me angry at myself and I don't always feel the power God's given us to defeat sin. I actually feel rather powerless so having to think about your sin and then feeling like you can't do anything about it is a little discouraging. It's one of those things that you know the truth, but it doesn't change your feelings & emotions. Anywho, at least I'll have 2 hours and roughly 5-10 minutes to just chill this weekend . . . here we come Nashville!

This week was a hard one. I firmly believe that one of the ways Satan attacks women is through PMS. I can't even begin to tell you all of the STUPID and HORRIBLE thoughts he placed in my head. The biggest one being doubt about EVERYTHING! The area that hit the hardest was doubting my abilities in all of my roles. I was spinning in circles this week going from one job to the next and doing three job simultaneously sometimes. It was crazy and I didn't feel like I was giving any of them 100%. Even though it's my nature to give 100%, it's okay not to no matter what the devil tells me.

It got a little worse this weekend because I was running on low sleep and drinking caffeine, which makes me crash even harder. Going into my club tournament this weekend I was determined to be positive with them regardless of the terrible practices we have been having. I knew that I had been hard on them and was not going to carry that over into the tournament. Saturday, they did a lot of great things with only 7 players. We played our last match of the day against a team that should've killed us. I was just hoping we could compete. Well, we did in the first game. Then in the second game, the other team was playing terribly and we just kept getting big runs and ended up winning that game. The team was starting to prove me wrong and show that we could win. Unfortunately, the 3rd game didn't go our way, but the girls felt great about it and so did I.

Sunday (today), we had a challenge match to get in the Copper bracket (I was made for the copper bracket), which we won. We then faced a team we beat yesterday to advance. We had a solid performance in game 1 and won. Then the wheels just fell off and we couldn't put things together. I felt like I stayed positive throughout despite the loss. After that game I shared that it was a little disappointing, but tried to put a positive spin on it and encourage them to learn from the experience. We departed and began our reffing assignment (I won't even start on the drama the ref caused during that part of the day). Into the first game, here came my captains . . .

They wanted to chat, which was great. They began by sharing how they felt like my negativity was bringing the team down. I sat their with my jaw open shocked that this was coming at this tournament, which I had made such a concerted effort to be positive. I shared with them my shock and actually started to cry and I shared with them my goals going into this weekend. I was devastated at the timing. I was so glad they shared and we definitely worked through some things that both coach and player needed to work on, but my spirit was crushed. I know I am good at what I do, but I feel so discouraged right now. I am constantly trying to balance positive & negative reinforcement and to make due with the players I have at any given practice and compete against teams that are head & shoulders above us in practice and teach the girls life lessons . . . it's getting to be too much. I hope that we did make some progress in our chat, otherwise it's going to be a long 3 months!

Needless to say that was not the best way to finish the week/weekend, but I'm hopeful that God will restore my spirit. Stupid Satan has nothing on me!

fond memories

Since I have a pretty anal personality some might think I have a pretty detailed memory. That is actually false . . . I don't remember a ton from my volleyball career other than the fun stuff. Quite a few of those memories came flooding back this weekend when I took my DU team on a retreat. We stayed at a bed & breakfast and did lots of different team bonding & team building activities. It was very similar to a trip that I took with my CU team my sophomore year. It was so fun to just sit back and watch the girls make their own memories and know that they'll be saying "remember when . . ." in only a few years from now. I was so glad Karen was there with me so I had someone to reminisce with. It just made me that much more happy about what I'm doing and excited to see all of this work pay off in the fall.

On a side note . . . we are so lucky to have gotten such wonderful kittens. They are providing hours of endless entertainment and are great snugglers!

proud moment

It was so nice to be at my home church for Easter Sunday. Going home is usually a little stressful for me because I have to run between families and be in a zillion places at once. However, for a couple hours I had a wonderful time worshipping and enjoying the people who have helped me grow into a mature young woman. I also see the same older couple at church who hug me and love on me like I'm one of their own grandchildren. The gentleman told me on Sunday how proud he was of me. I was taken aback a little because pride is what I think of when I think of my church family. They are all so amazing and have taught me so much about loving people, especially children. We have a time of sharing during our services as a way to silently commune with God then share what he is speaking to us. I actually stood up this week and share that with all of them. It was so great to share that and hopefully encourage a lot of them. So many shared their congratulations about my new job and it just made me feel so supported and loved. It will be a very memorable Easter for me.

dessert!

So I decided for lent to give up dessert . . . oh my goodness it has been difficult! However, I have been pretty successful in this quest and have enjoyed keeping Christ's sacrifice on my mind each time I have been tempted. I'm not big into rituals, but I enjoy this time of year remembering God's amazing gift of His Son to atone for all of our sins. It's a simple way to mirror that sacrifice a little bit.

I definitely chose something that was hard for me. Obviously I love food and dessert is no exception. I found myself requiring it after each meal, though, so I needed this to get myself un-hooked. It did work! I got close a few times . . . I had some cinnamon & sugar crisps, which were close to dessert and cinnamon & sugar toast a few times. I got my chocolate fix from some mochas. But overall, I have done really well . . . no cookies, no ice cream, no cake . . . not even for my birthday. Needless to say this weekend I will be having all of the above!

The weekend ahead is a little busy with traveling and some father gatherings, but I hope they don't overshadow the real celebration of Easter.

vacations

It's no secret that I love to travel, but this time of year I usually take a trip more for some R & R than for exploring (this year it's a little of both). We checked into our sweet suite on Friday afternoon. We didn't do a lot on Friday because we were tired from traveling and our busy weeks to prepare for the vacation (go figure). Then on Saturday morning (my birthday!) we are just taking our time in the morning, which is awesome. At one point, though, I am wondering "Did I really need to travel all this way to relax and unwind?" The answer is emphatically YES! On slower days at home free mornings just fly by and there's always something there that you think you should be doing like wash the dishes, or run the vacuum, or something else. Needless to say I am so glad we took this little vacation because our brains and bodies really do need some time to escape from the busyness of everday life. Yes, it is short, but we are making the most of it. Here's what all we did yesterday . . .

Breakfast (hotel has a hot breakfast buffet!)
My bible study lesson for the day
Wrote in my journal
My own little yoga routine (in honor of Bob Harper)
Checked facebook
Researched the city some more
Got a pedicure
Did a little shopping
Laid out in the sun while reading a book and listening to my iPod
Watched Butler win and make it to the Final Four!
Walked on the riverwalk
Ate a fabulous 2 hour dinner (we love to linger) - I had crab cakes for an appetizer and pork tenderloin with mashed potatoes and brocolli and maybe some drinks :)
Went to Howl at the Moon (for free with a coupon), which is always a good time. And they didn't charge us for the 2nd round of drinks we had!
Took a taxi ride back to the hotel, which again is always a good time.

Ah, I am loving life right now. So, this is to remind me not to feel guilty about spending money on vacations. We deserve them and they are so worth it! Here's to another great day in my 28th year!

in awe

I was at a volleyball tournament over the weekend (I know, shocker, right?) and I found myself watching one of my players in complete awe. No, it wasn't on the court (although she did make some great plays). It was actually off the court as she conversed with her family. Her parents are divorced. She switches home about 3 times a week. Her dad & stepmom were at the tournament. Her mom and two half sisters were also there. She went back and forth between both parents with such ease, I found myself being quite jealous of her. Growing up I always felt like I was the middle man between my parents and I was always trying to keep them happy, which was an impossible task. I never seen this young girl worrying about where she's supposed to be or if her parents are happy. She is so sweet and mature and always communicates well with me. I found myself wishing my childhood experience was more like hers. I'm sure she struggles and has her bad days, but it's just so great to see things working for her and her family.