living proof

I went to the Living Proof event here in GR this weekend. Beth Moore was the keynote speaker and the worship/praise team leader was Travis Cottrell. I have been so excited for this for a while. I did my first Beth Moore bible study this year and it really changed my life so I knew hearing her in person would be awesome. It's like God is speaking right through just to you, but also to everyone other person around you. This weekend there were 7300 women hearing straight from God . . . it was an amazing sight!

Friday night started off a little rough because I couldn't find anyone I knew, but God brought someone to sit with me and I really overcame a lot of emotions to get through that first session and not be distracted by feeling lonely. First of all the music was amazing! Beth's message came straight from the story about Zacchaeus in Luke 19 and had a metaphor of trees. I'm not going to go into a ton of detail here, but Friday night God was really hitting me hard. We learn right in the beginning of Genesis that people were created to rule over the Earth and that it is just our nature to be in control (um, hello?). However, on the flipside each one of us has such a desire to be mastered. This is honestly one of the biggest things I have been struggling with lately because I so desperately want to give up control of my life, but I keep looking for people to do it, but they are not very reliable. These other people or things can turn into the rulers of our life and they always fail. God is the only true king!

Saturday morning I was excited to get back for day two. I hooked up with a lady from my bible study whom I loved very much. She had come with some of her family, including her two daughters. I was sitting alone and then she texted me 10 minutes before the start. I was so glad! Beth spoke a lot about the fruit that we bear, which was very impactful. We had a short break during which I started to debrief in my journal a little bit. I was writing about how I feel as those the hurts I've had in my life have really become my master and until I have complete healing from those things I am not going to be able to bear good fruit. Wouldn't you know it that Beth concluded the conference talking about true healing. It was an incredible finish and I just feel so blessed to have gone to this conference. I'm hoping to really take some time this week and next to study what she talked about some more and make some big steps forward. If you every have the opportunity to do one of her bible studies or hear her in person - DO IT! But be prepared to have your life changed!

breaking through

I have always been inspired by this phrase and feel like it describes a lot of my life. For many, many years I have been trying to break through circumstances, challenges, and obstacles. Recently, it turned into a little bit of running away instead of breaking through. By the grace of God, I am doing something I should've done some 20 years ago and I honestly believe I may actually break through some things for real and take some huge steps of growth.

So, what am I doing? I have decided to start seeing a counselor. I really like her. She is a Christian and I think she is really going to challenge me. I know it's going to be hard, but I also know I need to do this . . . I've needed to do this for a long time. I probably won't talk about it a lot, but if you want to check in just ask. That's mainly what I'm looking for anyway is more emotional stability and the ability to build better relationships with others.

On a side note . . . I've also been breaking through a lot of ground at our house. I am loving gardening and our house looks so good. I can't wait to have visitors over all summer long (at least when I'm home) and enjoy it.

megathon completed!

Whew! I am such a big believer in visualization and I can honestly say that this day was a hard one to visualize. I actually ran two 1/2 marathons in 2 weeks and in pretty good time if I do say so myself. Here's a rundown of the event on Saturday.

My team's hotel was on the east side so I had about a 15 minute drive downtown in the morning. I got up at 5 to get ready and eat some breakfast. Luckily they had oatmeal and bananas and I even got a hard boiled egg! :) I didn't have any problem making it to IUPUI to park and got a sweet spot about a block from the finish line for free! I read a book for a little while to waste some time before heading to the start area. We didn't have to be in our corrals until 7. The biggest struggle of the morning was what to wear. It was cold and windy and I couldn't stand out side for an hour in a tank top. So I kept my longsleeve on and decided to keep it on. The crowds started to come and come and come. It's really hard to imagine 35,000 people lined up for a race! I had a good warm-up and made it to corral L. I thought for sure I'd see someone I knew and sure enough I did. Katy McClure and I grew up in the same church and did 4-H together and she was in my corral! Very cool.

Finally it was time to start. It only took me 10 minutes to get to the start line and then we took off. My first mile was slow, which I wanted, but it was really slow. My competitiveness took over and I started to pick it up and got my race up to about 9:30. There was lots of live music and it was just an enjoyable time. Getting to the speedway was so cool! If you've never been there it's hard to imagine how big it is, but it's huge! I felt like a VIP getting to go inside. I was starting to get warm so I decided to switch my bib to my tank and take off the long sleeves. That distracted me for a while on the 2.5 mile loop. When we exited IMS we were already at 8.6 miles. I was definitely more tired than the Nashville run, but managed to push on even though my pace was slowing a little. If I maintained a 10 min pace I would be at about the same time. I decided to pick it up for the last 1.5 miles and managed to finish at 2:06.50. I was very happy with that! After getting my snacks, I went to the reunion area and waiting for my mom and grandma. It took a while, but they found me. My grandma was so proud, which made me feel good. It was so cold and windy still, though. We decided to head to lunch, which very nice to visit with everyone. Eating was good too - I got to have sweet potato fries!

Overall, I'm very glad I set this goal and accomplished it. My body will be glad to be done, though. Here's to more items getting checked off the bucket list and hopefully encouraging you to do the same!

megathon part 2

So I wrote this in a word document Friday night because I couldn't get on the internet . . .

So two weeks later here I sit ready to complete part 2 of my "megathon" in the morning. This race has very special significance for me. The Indy 500 Festival mini marathon is the largest half marathon in the country with 35,000 participants. Being from Indiana we just call it the mini. Ever since I was a kid my grandma has made a yearly trip to Indy to run the mini with her running friends. She did this race until she was in her 60s. She is now in low 70s and will be walking the 5K tomorrow with her almost 75 year old sister. I was always in awe of my grandma and her friends for doing this race and was determined to do this race at some point in my life. Well, tomorrow is the day! I know my grandma will be very proud of me and I am happy to run my last long race.

Driving into the city tonight got me very excited. I love Indy and it feels like home, something I really needed this week. I'm so excited to run around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway tomorrow. I have been on it once, but to run around it will be awesome. Hopefully I can sleep tonight and feel rested when I'm up at 5 a.m. tomorrow . . . it was not a good week of sleep, but not much I can do at this point. I've only run once since Nashville so hoping my body is still in good condition and is well rested from the half a couple weeks ago. I'll also need to stay mentally strong knowing that I've already done this and how long those last 5 miles can feel. I get so excited to check things off my bucket list and am glad my mom and grandma will be there for this race. Hopefully I can find her and my grandma and we can enjoy some time before I have to go coach in the afternoon.

alone

I wonder if I will ever be able to stop doing things alone. Ever since I was in high school, I've had to get used to being independent. I made my own dinner. I was the girl who didn't mind going to the bathroom alone (this is a big deal for teenage girls). In college I began to make great friends, but still always seemed to do things on my own. Then on from college were the most alone 4 years of my life . . . I bought my first house alone. I learned to travel alone. I would even eat alone at restaurants. I have been known to go to the movies alone, too. I shop for one and cook for one. I go to church alone. And, of course, I sleep alone.

The years continued to wear on me so I decided to make a change in my life. I moved to a place where I thought I wouldn't feel alone because I would be surrounded by the people who didn't make me feel so alone. After almost two years, things don't really seem any different. I can't help but think of why this is happening. I am just that bad of a communicator? Have I become so independent that I can't depend on anyone else? How long will I have to sit in church by myself while I watch all the families make their way to their seats and long to have my own family? I guess it wouldn't be so hard if there was an end in sight, but it is hard and it's getting harder and I feel like I'm just spiraling out of control. Is it so bad to just want someone to want to spend time with me? I think I'm fun, but who knows. Hopefully I can figure out these issues, at least with the help of a liscensed professional. Ahhh . . . I hate feeling so crappy when there really are great things around me, but these are my feelings and they are real because they are not going away.

growing old . . .

Whenever I get ready in the locker room at the Y, I always find myself coming away with some profound thoughts. Today was no different. I was getting ready as the older ladies were coming in for their water aerobics class. One lady comes every week, but cannot even stand up straight because her spine is so curved. I overheard two other ladies talking about a friend who was pretty much on her death bed. Most of them complained about not feeling good or being tired, etc. It made me sad to think about all that their lives consist of and wondering if I will be at that point in my life sometime. It also made me extremely grateful for a body that still does pretty much all that I ask of it. I hope I do not take that for granted because I know that getting old is inevitable.

part 1 - recap

I am back and I am alive! Life has been good this morning catching up on email and resting with the kitties. Phoebe is even feeling the need to give me a bath in between biting my sweatshirt. They instantly go between napping and playing . . . boy did we miss them!

The race went so good! The weather was a huge concern. Friday night they were saying 100% chance of rain in the morning. We even woke up to thunder and lightning and heavy rain. As we drove the 75 minutes to Nashville the rain got lighter and we began to see brightness in the sky. Sure enough it was dry by the time we reached the city and it stayed that way through the whole race (the 1/2 marathon anyway). We got there just in time because they started things off early. Walking up we heard Dan Evans from The Biggest Loser sing the national anthem. We even spotted an old CU friend Doug Gray (we caught up with him later that evening). I started with Elissa while Dez took off. It was such a great atmosphere. I was feeling great and really tried to speed up on the downhills. There were a lot because there were a lot of uphills too! Probably the toughest race I've done, but I seriously felt great through the whole thing. We got to run all down Music Row where all the production studios are. The bands throughout the race were okay, but I best enjoyed the church choir just past mile 10, which gave me a great boost. I teared up a little seeing all the supporters and knowing that so many people were running for very meaningful reasons. I tried to keep those who desire to run, but can't physically in my mind. I was timing myself and knew I was doing well time wise. With all the hills I was afraid I wouldn't have enough to push through the last mile, though. Luckily Laura was there right before the finish and gave me a little boost to push hard to the finish line. I crossed at 2:07.26 and felt so great about that. I find Dez right away and found out she sprained her ankle at mile 6, but still finished under 2 hours . . . what a trooper. Elissa and Karen came next. We got our food and had a reunion under Vince Young's big poster at LP Field. We got to cheer the marathon runners as we walked to our hotel. I'm so glad we did the race . . . I really enjoyed it. I am still sore today, but amd determined to stay positive for part 2 in a couple weeks. Indy . . . here I come!